Zen No More
Book & Chapter Summaries
Once we understand the complexities of relationships through our basic human needs and desires, we can then relate to everyone in a much more harmonious way. To accomplish this, we must look closely at our desires, motivations and agendas, as well as understand where our value and self esteem come from.
We all look for certain basic needs from the people closest to us, but we often don’t appreciate the circumstances we put those around us through to fulfill these needs. Once we realize that we are the creators of our life experience through our motivations, desires and agendas, we can then understand where the chaos of life comes from.
Chapter 1 How it works
The power of the mind to create it's own reality is amazing. The mind can be trained to do anything, so the trick is to train yourself to do what is necessary and to understand that everything else is based on the totality of your life experiences and cultural influences.
Chapter 2 What it is
When we compare and measure our self against others, it produces anxiety. This anxiety comes from the fear that someone will outdo our achievements, and make us feel inferior.
Chapter 3 Differences
When we understand what drives our decision-making, we will not be disappointed with the results because we have chosen our own path. It is really up to us to pick our path in life.
Chapter 4 Value
Some of the biggest questions in life are; why do we do the things that we do, and having done them, why can't we control our actions. Our subconscious desire for value will lead us to fulfill our need in surprising ways.
Chapter 5 Expectations
How much of our life is governed by the expectations of others? When we bend to the expectations and desires of our families or peers, we have a difficult time understanding why we feel so empty. Are we living our own life or someone else's?
Chapter 6 Authenticity
When we manipulate other people’s feelings by saying what we know they want to hear, we sell out our authenticity. How can any person truly know us, if we are not showing who we really are?
Chapter 7 Affection
Everyone would like to put love and caring in a box, so that we would have a simple and easy way to show that we care. When we search for proof of this intangible thing, we tend to put our own standards on it.
Chapter 8 Assumptions
One of our biggest mistaken assumptions is that everyone thinks like me. So most of the decisions that we make are based on the way we think. This of course leads us to assume that what's good for us is good for everyone else.
Chapter 9 Manipulation
All kinds of people have fallen under the spell of a dysfunctional person. Even the ones that are considered very competent, even tempered with good coping skills, and a sense of humor have been convinced that they are the dysfunctional one.
Chapter 10 Self – Esteem
When we have real self esteem that is based on what is true about ourselves, then it matters very little what people say about us.
Chapter 11 Justification
People who must have their feelings validated are trying to protect themselves from not feeling important. However, they do feel important enough to verify their belief through their feelings. Because their feelings are important to them, they think it should be important to others.
Chapter 12 Love
When it comes to love and attraction, are we at the mercy of our subconscious when we choose our partner?
Chapter 13 Attitude
Attitudes can become obstacles that we may carry with us our entire lives. If we have a bad attitude from something in the past, then it is a barrier for the future and the now.
Chapter 14 Freedom
The release into true freedom comes to us once we are self aware enough to realize that to fully live life and to rip apart the delusions of man and his ownership of consequences, is the goal of realism.
This book has had a profound effect on everyone that has read it.
